Last, but not least:
20) It was a lovely fall day and I had just finished a long day in class; I was ready to get home and relax, so I hoped on my bike and headed for my apartment. This was the first time I had ever consistently ridden a bike since elementary school, and to be honest, I was glad that I hadn’t fallen off or ran into anything yet. So there I was, peddling along, minding my own business when I heard a voice from over my shoulder yelling, “Ma’am please pull your bicycle over. I repeat, please pull over and get off of your bike vehicle!”
I turned around to find a bike cop, yelling at me, of all people, so I pulled over and innocently asked, “Can I help you with something?” I thought for sure I had dropped something, or that he needed something.
The out-of-breath mustached officer, who was wearing very short black short leggings, unbuckled his bike helmet, glared at me, and said, “Ma’am, are you aware that you just obliterated five very important bike safety laws in a matter of 30 seconds or less?”
“Me? Oh, no Sir, I was just headed home from campus. I live right-”
“-Ma’am, I have been chasing you for two blocks!” he said, still out of breath.
At this point, I started looking around for a hidden camera or for my friends, thinking this must be a joke, there is no way I just got pulled over by a bike cop. (Side note, who even knew bike cops actually existed? I always thought they were something you saw in movies…but no, they are like talking M&Ms and Santa, they really do exist!) So, I asked, half kidding, of course, “Sir, did I do something wrong?”
“Yes! You did! You made an illegal passing of another cyclist, you didn’t stop all the way at the stop sign, you didn’t signal correctly, you are riding on the wrong side of the road, and your bike is not properly equipped to be riding at night.”
“Sir, it is 2:30 in the afternoon.”
“Yes, Ma’am I am aware of that. It is just something you need to know for the future. Regardless, you still made a lot of costly mistakes back there. Are you aware you can receive a ticket and have to pay a fine for such indiscretions?”
“Really?” I still hardly believed him, but he seemed pretty serious so I blurted out, “I mean…oh no Sir. I’m sorry, I only live a few seconds away from campus and I don’t ride my bike very often. When I was little my parents taught me to drive on the left side of the road so I could see people coming towards me and the cars from behind would be on the other side of the road. Isn’t that the way you are supposed to do it?”
“Ma’am, that I for walking pedestrians only.”
“Oh…well…I’m sorry, I never new. And the signals, and the stop sign? I just didn’t think-”
“Well Ma’am,” he said, “Frankly, that’s the problem. Cyclists don’t always think. How can the law protect you if you aren’t even protecting yourself?”
There he was, yelling those exact words on a very busy street, while I was thinking, “Oh my gosh, he is serious. His mustache is no joke and neither is he! This is humiliating-I am being chewed out by a bike cop! This is the cockiest guy I have ever met and he rides a bike for a living- they clearly don’t even trust him with a car! And someone’s spandex is a little too tight- no wonder he is grumpy! (harsh, I know , but I was really mad at the time.) What is someone sees me? I’ll never live it down! This man is still talking to me, it has been at least five minutes! This needs to be over…NOW!” I nodded along for a few more minutes while he rambled on and on about the importance of bike safety and somehow, I finally convinced him that A) I was very sorry for what I had done B) I would be more careful in the future and C) (and most importantly, I might add) that I did not deserve a ticket.
Officer Mustache regrettably let me off with a warning and went on his merry little way. I, however, got to my apartment to find multiple text messages and facebook comments from all sorts of people saying things like, “Why were you talking to a bike cop on Bagby today?”, “I saw you on the corner of Bagby and 10th street talking to a bike cop, I didn’t even know they existed!” (Exactly my point, I’m glad you thought the same thing!), “Did you get pulled over by a bike cop on campus? Only you, Mer, only you!” etc. etc. etc.
Basically, this is the story of my life: Meredith, spotted in an awkward situation, embarrassing herself…again. At least I won’t be embarrassing myself in Waco anymore! On to a new stage of life, a new town, and a new crowd to embarrass myself in front of? This should be fun! Sic’em new adventures!
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